No matter where you are begin the journey to loving yourself...
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"Fat people want to be thin, poor people want to be rich, the common want fame, the powerful want more power. We think that if we had that one thing, we'd be happy. In a way...we're all just chasing ghosts."

Abandoned by her father and bullied by her schoolmates because of her mixed race, Deidre McCall has had a rough life. Trapped in Lewenton, Mississippi, a town so small it's not even listed on the map, she dreams of her escape. Determined to pursue a life-long dream, she abandons her town's dirt roads and heads for the bright lights of the big city and the promise of happiness it holds. But instead of escaping her baggage, she's carried it all with her. And when life doesn't make sense, the last place in the world you want to be is in New York City. The truth concealed, a family secret revealed. As the years progress Deidre finds her life in New York doesn't look much better than it did when she was back home. And when Prentice Fennell, World Champion Boxer enters the picture, things take an unexpected turn. Join Deidre on her journey as she discovers the secret to happiness that has eluded her all her life--when you're at peace with yourself, nothing else really matters and no matter where the road may lead you, "home" is a condition of the heart.

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My Inspiration

Being the product of an inter-racial relationship, Deidre McCall is an absolutely stunning beauty. The only problem is...she's been teased so much and called so many names, when she looks in the mirror, all she sees is worthlessness.

 

The name I chose for the book, Dirty, does not symbolize some trip into the world of erotica. It's the name Deidre was given when she was growing up because she looked different, and being different is all she knows. She carries the deep internal scar of being 'other.' Outcast. Lonely. Of feeling Dirty.

In spite of how beautiful she is, she still feels unworthy, unloved. Issues many women struggle with including myself at one time. I wanted to show that it's an issue for women, no matter their background, and yes even those blessed with 'looks.' Self love is an inside job. Has nothing to do with appearance, since people will always find fault with others over something. It's an inner knowing of your worth and your value, in spite of what someone else thinks. And it is by far, the greatest work of your life.

Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

This is a must read! This book is not just a good read but there is something we can all identify with—the importance of self worth. Deidre like many of us learned we cannot escape hurt and pain by running away. She learned the importance of “selfs” (love, respect, acceptance and worth). In many ways Deidre was a caterpillar when she left Mississippi and through several trials and tribulations she eventually blossom into a butterfly 🦋. I highly recommend this book

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Story!

The author pulls you into the story at the very beginning. I connected with Deidre and felt as though I was walking her life's path with her. I encourage anyone that enjoys a good read to purchase this book. You will love the ending.

Excerpt

Prentice picked Deidre up in a red Lamborghini and they drove around on the outskirts of the city trying to find a diner that was open all night. He told Deidre he wanted to get to know her and didn’t want to worry about the place closing or someone breaking into his car. They located a place on Hanover road about 15 minutes north of the club.

When they stopped, Deidre reached over to open the door and Prentice placed his hand on her leg. “Let me get that door for you.”

Deidre relaxed back in her seat as Prentice walked around the car in that ridiculous white fur coat and opened her door. They entered the restaurant and sat down at a table near the entrance. The coat barely fit in the booth with them.

Prentice smiled at her, at first, offering no words. He appeared to be taking in every inch of her. After a few seconds he filled the dead space with words, asking the same question that formed in everyone’s mind when they found out what she did.

 

“Sooo…Ms. Fine McCall, why do you dance?”

“Money.”

Prentice nodded, seeming to understand.

Deidre quickly redirected. Vice was a complicated business, but she wasn’t the only bad guy in this scenario.

 

“Why do you watch?”

Prentice laughed. He ran is tongue along the edges of his teeth and Deidre noticed a small chip on his incisor. “I’ve never thought about it. I guess as men we get conditioned that that’s what men do.” He shrugged. “That that’s what it means to be a man.”

 

"A wise woman told me that the guys in the club fall into three categories. Egomaniacs, perverts or wannabees. Which one are you?"

 

“I’m not a pervert…,” his eyes reflected his thoughtful consideration of the choices she’d presented. “I’m definitely no wannabee. If I had to pick something…probably egomaniac.”

 

“That would be my guess as well.”

 

They laughed and placed their order. Pancakes.