Updated: Mar 17
This is my comment to someone who accused me of victim blaming #AzrielClary on a post I posted yesterday on my facebook page. She was pretty irate. I'm not blaming Ms. Clary for anything. She's young, and abusers are psychological masters. I just believe in taking a broader approach to abuse and the culture of male dominance. I wasn't speaking to situations where men physically dominate us or situations where we don't have a choice. I was speaking to the situations where we voluntarily and subtly give our power away. Of course, we hold men accountable but we also empower ourselves to no longer be victims. My comment is posted below. Let me know what you think:
As long as women give SOLE responsibility to a man to protect us we give ALL our power away. Newsflash, they won't do it. At some point as women, we have to accept the fact that WE are responsible for our well-being and remain in full control of the experiences we have at all times. I'm not excusing any man for bad behavior, in fact I'm writing a book about that very subject and they should be prosecuted to the FULLEST extent. That's part of the pathway to change, but I would never sit back and wait on a man to NOT do something because it's in MY best interest. They're too selfish, especially when it comes to sex. In a lot of cases, if not most, even good men (and I'm married to one), will put their desires first if we aren't careful. How many men do you know forsake family for career? How many women do you know have put their career on the back burner in service to their husband? How many men simply refuse to help a working mother with the kids? How many women have taken men back after they've cheated? Women have been conditioned to place a man's needs above their own. We need to change that narrative. It's time to raise our girls to understand that you matter and you are ultimately responsible for you and your well-being at all times and that includes them understanding the male-female dynamic and our potential for manipulation by men. Instead of moving through the world with the perspective of 'please don't victimize me,' I'd rather see women move through the world saying 'I will not allow you to victimize me.' It's a much more powerful place. To me, it's a more empowered position for a woman to operate from.
Bad Men by Tonya Lampley: a book on female empowerment. Sign up for my newsletter at www.TonyaLampley.com to be notified of the release.